"The thing is, the only real sign of life is growth. And growth requires pain. So to choose life is to accept pain. Some people go to such lengths to avoid pain that they give up on life. They bury their hearts or they drug or drink themselves numb until they don't feel anything anymore. The irony is, in the end their escape becomes more painful than what they're avoiding."
WOW! Just insert the words "EAT THEMSELVES NUMB" and you've got my past defense mechanism in a nutshell! Facing painful conversations, dealing with painful or uncomfortable situations, experiencing painful memories....it would never take much "real or imagined" pain for me to reach for FOOD, instead of risking it! But the reality is just as this writer indicated, the "escape" became more painful than the issues of life themselves.
My escape into food, and the resulting weight of over 500 pounds was very painful physicially...but the numbing of emotions was successful! Now, as I have peeled away a good bit of those layers of fat, the emotions keep coming closer and closer to the surface and demand my attention! I am faced with the choice of letting myself stay emotionally DEAD, or to "Choose Life---and Accept the Pain." I am CHOOSING LIFE rather than hide from it in layers of fat and handfuls of food and avoidance! How do I do this?
Daily journal entries.....Blogging....Focusing on my Protein-based eating plan....Continued prayer and reliance on the Lord for guidance....Sharing the Journey support group meetings....seeking Education/Psychological studies into proven methods of changing how I think and respond to life's pain and emotional upheavals! There is NO MAGIC BULLET.....but Victory is mine, because as I told the doctor this morning, "I'm no ordinary woman!"
Blessings on all my readers! Thank you for your support. I trust that you will find some of these self-observations beneficial in your own journey.
:) Awesome Della!
ReplyDeleteThank you Della for your honesty and transparency. Awesome post.
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